Thursday, June 18, 2015

Russian Roulette

Hey bloggie. I'm currently on my bed. Just done reading a friend's blog and it got me all hyped up to pen down a few thoughts in my own. Okay not exactly pen down. Type! So, let the typing begin! 

For all you loyal readers out there, you guys would know that my favourite blog post would be the one on how things happen for a reason. As scared as it makes me feel at this jiffy, my gut and my cute little heart is beginning to unravel, comprehend and figure out the long awaited reason. 

Not just any reason. THE reason. 
And trust me, my gut has been on idle mode for the longest time. Probably approx 5 years on autopilot. Or perhaps longer. Because the last time it actually worked, it kinda gave me a wrong signal. LOL. So dear gut, you've got 5 years to recuperate, rest and find your true purpose in Navenia's life that is to give me the RIGHT signal at the RIGHT time for the RIGHT reason. 
So should I or shouldn't I put my faith in you? It's a gamble really. 
I'm scared. Truly am. Once bitten twice shy as they say. But like I said, the gut. It chose now to send me signals to trust it. Believe in it and put my faith in whatever it's feeling. 

I so want to. Trust me I do. And I don't even know why I'm typing this as though there's any way I can stop myself from trusting my gut.


Because I know that the cards have been dealt. 

The bet is already placed. 
The croupier has already spun the wheel. 

Now my fate and future lies upon the momentum of the ball. 

Now as it slowly loses the product of mass and velocity, I'll sit by the roulette table, anxiously yet with full on poise and grace waiting on the coloured pocket my ball would ultimately fall in. 

Will I be the Master of this divertissement?

I better be. 
This time. 
I'm trusting you. 
One more time. 
One last time. 
Gut, the game better not be the master of me. 
Because now, I'm the gamemaster. 
The difference is that NOW, I roll the dice. I'm in control. I know what I want. And where exactly I'm placing my bet. 

But ultimately, it is still a gamble, a wager. 


And it's a risk I'm willing to take. 


Fingers crossed. 


Because truth is, 
It's no ordinary roulette. It's Russian. 
I've placed my cartridge in my revolver, spun the cylinder, muzzle right on my glabella. 

I'm pulling the trigger. 

God help me.